Goodnight Moon...

last night…

you said it was over pretty much. well you said that ur talking to Tara now. and I really was hoping to wake up and be jus fine, but before i fell asleep, you texted me that the letter from bg reminded u of me n it was good. and that it is tough to keep movin on cuz all the new changes in our lives were happening when we were together. so everything around us reminds us of each other. what i wouldnt give to be over you right now. everyone keeps tellin me how since you gave up such a wonderful person, someone who would bend over backwards for u, for a fat ugly skank who will never have the kind of possibility, and future, and life like i do. and that makes me feel a lil better cuz i kno that i did everything and more for you. and sometimes i didnt feel that in return. however, i still stayed strong for you. and u gave me up 3 times. so now, i want to be over you, but i still get socked in the gut every time i think of anything that has anythin to do wit u at all. the pictures on my wall, ur shirts, ur ipod, any song that we used to listen to, my classes (cuz i used to text u during them), the sunlight, the moonlight. hell i’m surprised breathing doesnt remind me of you. and sometimes it does. what i wouldnt give to inhale your scent jus one last time. cuz i kno wat we had wasnt over. but that bitch convinced you that it was. i dont kno wat u guys do together, how far u have gone, but every time you wake up next to her, i hope you think of me and die a little bit inside. i hope her cooking sucks in comparison to mine. i kno she’ll never bake for u the way i did. so yea… id love to be over you rite now, but until then, i’ll keep writing on here, hoping that one day you will come back. and really want to be with me with all your heart. cuz i kno its possible. ur jus denying it rite now cuz ur soo afraid to be lonely that you need her there every second of every day. but when ur at work, you text me. i kno u still need me. cuz if u didnt, you would text her when ur not wit her. not me. and i kno u wanna show her that ur only focused on her so u ignore all my texts during the day. u prolly tell her that i kno she’s there like intuition and i text u jus to get u in trouble. cuz thats wat u used to tell me. about ur exes. and i bet any money that you were jus gettin out of a relationship when we started talking. you are so damn clever you kno how to talk any girl into anything. and you tell them how much you care and how you will never hurt them. but every one of them knows that as you say that, there is another girl in ur head that ur thinkin of and how you told her the same thing and how she is vying for ur attention now but u ignore it cuz this new girl is givin u attention. and sex. and so you have a whole linup of women to keep draggin along, to give you attention whenever you want it. cuz ur jus that kinda guy. and for as much as the you in my head is different, loves me for me, and nobody else… and doesnt lie about it like u did for 10 months, it doesnt change the you that really exists. i wish that the you in my head was real. because everything would still be the same. i kno its not my fault now, because if it was, you would have forgiven me the second i apoligized for the one little thing i said. and we’d still be together. but she has been around loonger than u have been lettin on. otherwise u woulndt have given up so quickly. you said you had to move on eventually. well yes. but most people dont move on within 2 days. eventually- you make it sound like it was such a long time and you went through so much agony wishing that i was still yours. it was literally 3 days. and you did nothing to get me back. so yes, i wish u still had those old feelings cuz i do and i kno ur my home, but i kno that ur not the person i thought you were. so enjoy that elephant pussy. and i cant wait to get my stuff back. and i’ll be sweet to you and her when i see you guys, jus so u dont remember me as a crazy bitch. but you kno how i feel. you kno ur killing me inside. i jus dont kno how u enjoy torturing me like this. i hate that i have to write to u like this and i kno ur never gonna read this, but GOD DAMN IT. come back to me. ditch her fat ass and come home baby. i kno u still feel it too. please please please. i’m begging you.